About Me & This Blog

I hope you can’t relate to what I write because if you can you are probably in pain. That said, sharing the truth is healing. And this blog is about pain, truth and healing. My partner of almost two decades never came clean. He was caught. I didn’t know he was an addict. It takes effort to be that oblivious. I am not proud of my ignorance.

I have been searching for blogs. I find reading other personal stories as healing as about anything else. Writing helps. Sleeping helps. Music helps. Keeping in my routine helps. Crying helps. Seeing that while my world has been cracked I am not broken helps.

Dealing with the impact of my spouse’s sex addiction is the main channel on in my life . Not much else is airing on the radio or t.v. or in the psyche on most days.  However, though my life is changing in ways I never imagined, predicted or intended it isn’t all bad. I’m working to integrate, absorb, make sense of this experience while also grieving the losses, learning new lessons and rebuilding. I trust, honor and take care of myself more than I ever have in the past. 

There are many places from which I draw strength and support. And unlike children, who endure trauma and shock and too often feel utterly and unescapably alone, that is rarely how I feel. For that, and many other things I am grateful.

This blog is not chronological. I add insights and feelings and pieces at random. That is one of the ways I will help keep it anonymous. Also, this experience, of coming to know and honor myself is not linear. I go in and out of the fresh raw shock pain and surrender and acceptance of reality all of the time. I think this is part of the trauma of being betrayed sexually, physically, financially and emotionally.

Thanks for visiting this site. If you are in the throes of early discovery, there is movement and shifting, times of relief and insight even within this journey. That has been my truth. It has been hard but I’ve also learned lessons I had not learned in any other way. I am not saying how YOU should feel. I’m just trying to say people have survived the total shock and despair and feeling punched in the face while the heart crumbled to bits. One doesn’t always feel the world is spinning. Rebuilding is not only possible. But perhaps, the shape of the future holds joys previously beyond reach.